At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
