fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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