you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize