its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
