We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
