Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
