guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
