Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
