I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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