we're blogging at a bar
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
