Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am one with the molecules
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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