His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
