I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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