She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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