I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
