you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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