She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
