Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
