but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
