it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found your dick twin last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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