I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
