I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
