I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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