i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
