His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
