fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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