it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
