You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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