i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
