I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
