YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
