and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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