Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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