did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize