I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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