I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
