I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
