I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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