My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
