I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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