Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
