i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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