ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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