I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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