I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize