Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
