That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
