She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
