she woke up with a sticky ear
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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