You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
