not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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