Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
